i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
