i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
