dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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