she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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