I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
