So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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