He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize