I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
