is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
