see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
