tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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