do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
