I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
