I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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