His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
