I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
