So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
