I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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