Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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