doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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