I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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