My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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