well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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