dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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