Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
