2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize