I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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