dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
