All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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