peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
did i just pee glitter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
