So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
