omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
