So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
