I bet he comes in French.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
