Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
