I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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