I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
