if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
