I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
