if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
