Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
