Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
