her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.