he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!