Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.