I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's blow job season.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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