I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
