Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
