We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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