someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
