Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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