No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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