I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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