No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize