i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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