i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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