I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
