There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
