I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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