put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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