Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize